Modus Operandi
- Santa Claus is most active during the Christmas season.- Repeats nonsensical catchphrase 'Ho Ho Ho' constantly, leading to speculation that Santa is insane.
Identity
Santa Claus is the world's most wanted criminal.Physical description: A corpulent white man with a large white beard. Wears a red and white costume. Known to carry “presents” in a large sack at all times. Possibly armed and dangerous.
Crimes and Misdemeanors
Worker Exploitation: Santa routinely forces elves to fabricate toys in a sweatshop in the North Pole.Animal Cruelty: Santa is transported through the sky by magical caribou (reindeer), who receive no compensation for their labor.
Home Invasion: Santa is responsible for more than 3 billion home invasions per year.
If you encounter Santa Claus
Call animal control. Santa has a team of reindeer on your roof, probably with rabies.Congratulate yourself. Share a high five with someone you love. Santa is rarer than the Yeti, Bigfoot and UFOs combined!
Have yourself a Merry Christmas!
Identity
Santa Claus is the world's most wanted criminal.Physical description: A corpulent white man with a large white beard. Wears a red and white costume. Known to carry “presents” in a large sack at all times. Possibly armed and dangerous.
Crimes and Misdemeanors
Worker Exploitation: Santa routinely forces elves to fabricate toys in a sweatshop in the North Pole.Animal Cruelty: Santa is transported through the sky by magical caribou (reindeer), who receive no compensation for their labor.
Home Invasion: Santa is responsible for more than 3 billion home invasions per year.
Modus Operandi
- Santa Claus is most active during the Christmas season.- Repeats nonsensical catchphrase 'Ho Ho Ho' constantly, leading to speculation that Santa is insane.
If you encounter Santa Claus
Call animal control. Santa has a team of reindeer on your roof, probably with rabies.Congratulate yourself. Share a high five with someone you love. Santa is rarer than the Yeti, Bigfoot and UFOs combined!
Have yourself a Merry Christmas!
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